Friday, April 20, 2012

London 2012

I honestly couldn't care any less about any subject as I do the Olympics. It really is the highlight of the mediocre calendar, week after week of banality, commentated over by a selection of squawking heads. Apparently this will cost the taxpayer an estimated £12 billion, or as I prefer it written £12,000,000,000. Makes you wonder what kind of impact that money could have on schools or hospitals doesn't it?

And the events! I mean have you seen some of the so called sports that feature in the Olympics ? Never mind the obvious distain for Syncronised Swimming, what about Handball, I dont even know what that is! Taekwondo? Surely Michael Flatley will easily take gold for Ireland? There's even an event for shooting. Have the organisers not noticed we've been at war on two fronts for a decade, who do they think is interested in seeing people in lycra shooting at paper target with some old ass rifle when I can flick on BBC news and watch the fucking Royal Marines in action?

Comedian and UFC host Joe Rogan once pointed out that 'there's a reason the Olympics is held every four years; if it was on every weekend nobody would watch', and he's right. Some of these events are people throwing things into a field, spears, concrete on chains, frisbees, it really is like a giant Monty Python sketch gone way over budget.

That said here's a list of the events and my breakdown of what they entail;

Archery - Last relevant 1066

Athletics - School Sports Day
Badminton - Ok I like this
Basketball - Gay Five A Side Football
Boxing - Windmilling for 3 minutes
Canoeing - Poor mans rowing
Cycling - For delivering papers
Diving - Proves Gravity
Equestrian - Pedigree Chum here we come
Fencing - Last relevant 1066
Field hockey - Shit Quiditch
Football - Amatuer
Gymnastics - Really?
Handball - What?
Judo - Not as gay as wrestling
Modern pentathlon - Do lots so people don’t realize you're not good at any of them
Rowing - We have speedboats now
Sailing - Sport?
Shooting - We are fighting two wars
Swimming - We have boats now
Synchronized Swimming - Jesus
Table tennis - Ping Pong
Taekwondo - Riverdance
Tennis - Dullest event in the world
Triathlon - Pick One
Volleyball - Awesome
Water polo - How did this even happen
Weightlifting - Sport?
Wrestling - Bit gay